My Mother Heart
Regardless of infertility, I have always felt called to motherhood. And however that calling will be fulfilled, I know that I’ve been given a mother heart that longs to do the great work of motherhood, a heart that has unique gifts to offer specifically in that area.
Sometimes I hear the enemy trying to speak to me. “Look at all the children and the mothers. Look at the pregnant women. They get one, two, three, four, and you get none. Did God forget you? Are you unworthy? Doesn’t that make you sad?” It could. But in five years, it never has, because I know the Lord. God gave me the heart of a mother and the calling of a mother, and nothing He does is in vain.
Infertility is not the first time I’ve felt a powerful and unrealized calling on my life. In some ways, I’ve felt that way from the moment I became a Christian. I was filled with passion and vision and faith that I longed to share with the world, and I have often been frustrated by the sense that it's all being wasted. I must be wasting it. I think that’s why, since the first time I read Isaiah in high school, I have clung to these verses as a source of comfort and hope.
For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. (Isaiah 55:10–11)
He spoke my mother heart into a world that needs His love. It has a purpose. It will find fulfillment.
When I hear the far away, futile voice of the one who wants me to feel alone, I consider the mother heart within me, growing deeper and steadier as I entrust it to the Father, and I know it has a purpose. Its home is right around some unknown corner, and the Good Shepherd is leading me there.
Who is like Yaweh our God, who is seated on high, who looks far down on the heavens and the earth? He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap, to make them sit with princes, with the princes of his people. He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise Yaweh! (Psalm 113:6–9)
